<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>being with you makes the flame burn good by uchihag</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22731610">being with you makes the flame burn good</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/uchihag/pseuds/uchihag'>uchihag</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>I LOVE YOU ASH I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, M/M, Modern AU, don't do drugs kids, it's ur life babey, meet cute, naruto is a clown, or do, sasuke sells weed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:14:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22731610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/uchihag/pseuds/uchihag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>hi hello this silly little fic is for our groupchat's valentines day exchange! i got ashley and the prompt of theirs i decided to go with was... *drumroll* sns meet cute!! (except this is more of a meet ugly LMAO) hope you like it ash! &gt;___&lt;</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. don't do drugs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashmes/gifts">ashmes</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sasuke Uchiha is about to do a good deed. It's not such a rare occurrence that it requires a banner of announcement or any such fanfare, but this particular act of goodwill he's about to commit isn't exactly coming from the kindness of his heart either. It would be more accurate to say that he's acting in the spirit of... brotherly competition, so to speak. Or at least that's how he's justifying it to himself as his eyes follow the soon-to-be recipient of his one good deed for the day.</p><p>The person in question is a nervous-looking blonde haired kid who looks to be about his age, although it's dark enough now that Sasuke can't be completely sure; he's got on an orange graphic hoodie that's damn near fluorescent, grey sweatpants, and a pair of dark blue, beat-up New Balance runners. He looks to be a little above average height and his build is vaguely athletic. He's kind of gorgeous, at least from a distance. A set of keys hangs down from his back pocket, and if the familiar lettering on the lanyard they're dangling from can be trusted, he goes to the same gym Sasuke does. Small world.</p><p><em>You're too pretty for this part of town</em>, Sasuke decides, cocking his head in idle curiosity. Too bright and pristine, too clean somehow. Too untouched by the gloomy weariness that seems to bury every person and thing who lives here, like a thick coating of dust over an attic of forgotten memories. Easily disturbed, yet oppressive and unlifting. Inescapable, the way it settles in the lungs. The way you carry it with you, even after you leave.</p><p>It's easy to spot the first-time buyers.</p><p>After parking on the curb, the guy kinda just sat in his truck for a moment, as if taking time to bolster his nerves. Then, hopping out onto the street, eyes wide and wary, he'd surveyed his surroundings a bit -- probably to make sure this was "the spot" -- before scanning for any appropriately sketchy figures to approach about scoring whatever his substance of choice is. With a determined, but somewhat fearful awareness about him now, the blonde sets his jaw and starts making his way down the sidewalk, towards the hooded man Sasuke knows is sucking on a cigarette and leaning against the brick wall of the cornerstore just two blocks down the street.</p><p>From his high perch on the third-floor fire escape, Sasuke pivots his body in tandem with the boy's movement and calls out just as the blonde strides past the narrow alley his apartment complex is tucked into.</p><p>"I wouldn't buy anything from him if I were you."</p><p>The guy yelps and practically jumps a mile in the air, losing the last of any composure he's managed to work up until now.</p><p>"Who was that? Where are you? Sh-show yourself!" he cries, voice wobbling. Sasuke laughs quietly to himself as the kid snatches his keys from behind him and blindly holds out something small and cylindrical in shape, flailing wildly as he tries to locate the disembodied voice.</p><p>"Alright… but you're not gonna mace me, are you?" Sasuke tosses down dryly.</p><p>Slipping down the rust-eaten ladder as far as it will take him, Sasuke hops nimbly over the railing and sails through the remaining eight-ish feet of crisp February air to land evenly on the pavement below in almost perfect silence. He is graceful and precise, body slicing through the shadows every bit as lethal as a fine blade in the hands of a master swordsman.</p><p>"Depends!" the kid stammers, training the nozzle of his pepper spray <em>bullseye</em> on the black-clad figure that slinks towards him, oozing out of the alley’s indiscernible darkness as it moves into the jurisdiction of streetlight and takes on a less sinister, more humanoid form.</p><p>"Depends on what?"</p><p>"What you want from me!"</p><p>Sasuke saunters over with his hands in his pockets, smirking as the petrified blonde before him staggers back with his every step forward, mace ever at the ready.</p><p>"I don't <em>want</em> anything from you," Sasuke drawls, crooking a brow in mock contemplation, "...unless there's something on you worth taking?"</p><p>"Oh, so you're mugging me now. Great, I'm being mugged!" the guy squawks.</p><p>Chuckling softly, Sasuke tilts his head at him, a little surprised to find himself endeared to this paranoid, bumbling idiot. Charmed, even.</p><p>“I'm kidding, man,” Sasuke smiles, holding his hands up in the air to emphasize his harmlessness. “Besides, you're the one with the weapon, remember?”</p><p>“Oh... yeah, I guess you're right,” the guy mutters, reluctant nonetheless.</p><p>Sasuke's enjoying this – that being said, he'll be enjoying it a lot less after taking a blast of liquid fire straight to the face from the can of pepper spray that's still rattling precariously in the spooked blonde’s trembling grasp. Careful not to make any sudden movements, he lowers one hand back into the safety of his pocket and sticks the other out in good-natured greeting.</p><p>“I’m Sasuke. Don’t shoot.”</p><p>For a quiet few breaths, the blonde’s nervous eyes shift back and forth between Sasuke's face and his outstretched hand, squinty and watchful as if there might still be some trickery afoot. Then finally, tentatively, he reaches out to close his grip around the hand being offered to him, holding on just long enough for a firm, polite shake before breaking contact.</p><p>“Naruto.”</p><p>He still hasn’t dropped the arm holding the mace, though. It’s housed in a baby pink glitter carrying case, which is something that Sasuke might ordinarily consider a bit silly, if he didn’t find it so stupidly cute now in the hands of a fairly muscular 20-something-year-old man who’s named after a ramen bowl topping.</p><p>Closer to him now, and bathed in the syrupy amber wash of streetlight, Sasuke can see his eyes are wide, arresting, and deep deep blue. The deepest blue, he thinks. Ocean floor.</p><p>“Look. It's pretty obvious you're not from around here, so I'm gonna be a good Samaritan right now and give you some advice: don’t buy drugs from that guy.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because he's a cop.”</p><p>“And I'm just supposed to take your word for it?”</p><p>“He's a cop who also happens to be my brother.”</p><p>“Oh shit,” Naruto blurts.</p><p>“Yup.” Sasuke quips. “I mean, he probably won’t arrest you or anything -- he’s working on some heavily classified investigation right now, but just trust me when I say that you don’t want to be on his radar for any reason whatsoever.”</p><p>Naruto frowns, dejected. “Well. Guess I’m fucked, then. My friends are gonna be so bummed when I show up empty handed.”</p><p>Seeing how completely gutted the blonde looks, Sasuke decides then and there that maybe he won’t stop at only one good deed for the day. “Well what kind of party favors were you looking for, exactly? I might be able to help.”</p><p>“Just weed, nothing crazy. Why, do you know someone else who’s selling?” Naruto’s expression turns hopeful.</p><p>“Yeah… me.”</p><p>“....huh?”</p><p>“If you’re looking for bud, I’m your guy. Indica, sativa, or hybrid?”</p><p>"Wait, back up…” Naruto begins skeptically, and Sasuke can practically see the gleam of paranoia returning to his eyes in real time. “How do I know you're not the cop? Or-or maybe you're BOTH cops, and this is all some big sting operation!"</p><p>At this, Sasuke immediately bursts out in a snort genuine laughter, the sound of it bubbling straight up from his belly and surprising them both. Naruto snaps out of his surprise first, glaring daggers at the dark and mysterious stranger before him whose chest still quakes lightly from the force of his subsiding laughter.</p><p>“What the hell’s so funny, jackass?” he demands defensively.</p><p>Composing himself at last, Sasuke begins, "So let me get this straight… you think an entire police department — that my brother and I both apparently work for, according to you — would actually set up an elaborate sting just to lock up some guy from the suburbs who's clearly never bought drugs in his life?"</p><p>"Well why not!" Naruto retorts, his voice rising an octave even as he fumbles. "Isn't that what cops do? Look, I don't want any trouble, okay Officer? If you let me go, I promise you'll never see me around here-"</p><p>"Wow, you really are an idiot, huh."</p><p>"Call me an idiot again and I will clobber you!"</p><p>"Pretty sure threatening a police officer with violence is at least a misdemeanor charge,” Sasuke quips.</p><p>"So you ARE a cop!!" Naruto huffs in an odd mix of triumph and trepidation. “I fucking knew it!”</p><p>Sasuke wants to roll his eyes at the blonde’s gloating ‘gotcha’ celebration, but in truth he’s too awed by Naruto’s relentless stupidity to properly summon the necessary scorn. Awed and amused in equal parts. "Dude… if I was a cop, would I have given you my name?"</p><p>"Fake name, duh." Naruto snaps, not missing a beat.</p><p>He’s an idiot. But at least he’s a pretty one.</p><p>“Whatever man,” Sasuke shrugs, grinning a little. “Believe what you want, but this is how I pay my rent. I'm right up there in apartment 315. You know my name, and now you know where I live. Come up and see me if you decide you still want to get what you came all the way out here for.”</p><p>Sasuke is just about to turn on his heel and toss a parting wave over his shoulder when several things happen in rapid succession:</p>
<ol>
<li>A forest-green minivan screeches a wide turn around the corner of the street both men are standing by, then swerves back and forth almost cartoonishly down the middle as it barrels towards them full speed, a DUI in the making. Sasuke’s eyes land on the massive puddle right outside the curb of their stretch of sidewalk and notes that it’s directly in the minivan’s path, which puts Naruto right in the splash zone.</li>
<li>Making a lightning-fast decision to spring for a third good deed tonight (a personal record for him, it should be noted), Sasuke pitches forward to grab Naruto by the front of his hoodie and drag him out of the line of fire. In this moment, he is a very good Samaritan, perhaps even the best Samaritan to ever do it. His mother would be proud.</li>
<li>Naruto - having been so suddenly startled out of the conspiracy theory his vivid imagination has all but convinced him he’s the target of - lets out a bloodcurdling scream of terror, blindsided by the new and fairly upsetting development that it seems he really will be robbed by this man after all.</li>
<li>Unwittingly, as his body braces for impact, Naruto also squeezes down on the trigger of his pepper spray.</li>
</ol><p>“MOTHERFUCKER!”</p><p>Before Sasuke even has time to process what happened, he’s already screaming and cursing in wretched agony, his eyes blinded by white-hot pain. Panicking, Naruto realizes what he’s done and comes closer to help – stepping right into the cloud of leftover pepper spray mist that's dissipating all too slowly. A fresh scream is torn out of his throat, flattening Sasuke's eardrums in their close proximity. And just like that, a drug dealer with a heart of gold spends the night crammed into his bathtub with the dreamy blonde psycho he was planning on seducing with free weed right before the guy maced them both.</p><p>Drenched like puppies and hacking up pieces of lung tissue, it's not exactly the picture of romance. But crazier things have probably happened between strangers in the final hours of Valentine's day... right?</p><p>(to be continued...)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the last thing i ever saw myself writing was a sasunaru fanfic about drugs, but here we are!! credit for this story idea and collaborative brainstorming goes to my muse and very dear friend (sasukesdumpling), so everyone please say "thank you for the food" to them, and go read their fics too! next 2 parts should be up by the end of this month. smell ya later! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. highest in the room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>*french guy from spongebob voice* 10 months later. (holy fuck that first chapter is so cringey lmfaooo)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ready for round two?”</p><p>“Oh, fuck yes.”</p><p>“Alright. Peas, chicken nuggets, or sirloin steak?”</p><p>“I don’t even care, as long as it’s cold — actually just tip the whole damn freezer over my head, thanks.”</p><p>Sasuke snorts and tosses the bag of frozen veggies across the living room, where it lands just a hair short of Naruto’s head with a crunchy <i>smack</i>. The blonde wastes no time ditching the long-thawed pork cutlet he’d been holding to his face in favor of a fresh sack of sweet relief (in the form of frosted peas). Looking somewhat chagrined, he flashes a grateful smile at his generous host. In their shared pepper-spray-induced suffering, they seem to have become fast friends. </p><p>Or as close to it as Sasuke dares with a stranger who’s basically just attacked him unprovoked.</p><p>From the moment on the street when Naruto had blasted him from the tin can of mace, everything that followed had happened in a searing, white-hot fury of pain and panic. Even now, Sasuke still isn’t quite sure how they’d managed to make it up to his apartment at all, but once they came crashing through the door, he’d stumbled blindly into his bathroom and Naruto had come stumbling after him just as blindly. </p><p>Reduced to navigating by touch and sound, both men had bumped into their fair share of walls, corners, and furniture, as well as knocking over a few objects unseen. Sasuke had never actually invited him in, but houseguest etiquette was the last thing either of them were concerned about as they took turns shoving their heads under the shower spray, hacking, retching, and pawing furiously at their inflamed eyes. Needless to say, there wasn’t much in the way of talking at the time — except maybe for a colorful and vitriolic slurry of expletives from Sasuke, or the nonhuman wails of agony from Naruto. </p><p>Once they’d finally washed most of it out from the inside of their eyelids (being as thorough as they could manage without causing further injury), they’d raided Sasuke’s freezer for frozen goods to cool down the remainder of that god-awful burning sensation. </p><p>No good deed unpunished, indeed. </p><p>Sasuke’s eyes are basically swollen shut at this point, but he can just barely make out the commotion of Naruto shooting straight up to fix him with a frown of indignation.</p><p>“What?” he snaps, wondering what on earth the blonde could possibly be mad at <i>him</i> for in this scenario.</p><p>Even with his eye sockets ballooning to the size of kiwis and the skin surrounding them a blotchy, angry mosaic of red, Naruto still manages to look like a kicked puppy. Like <i>he’s</i> the one who’s been wronged somehow. <i>Now this should be rich</i>, Sasuke thinks sardonically.</p><p>Naruto blurts out, “You know, it’s kinda fucked how you got over being maced right in the face so fast when I’m still over here trying not to claw my eyes outta their sockets, or projectile vomit for like the 27th time — especially considering how all I got was just the last few floating drops. Is that fair? I think no.”</p><p>Wow. </p><p>Amazing. Incredible. <i>Mind-blowing</i>, actually.</p><p>“Well, it’s kinda fucked that you maced me in the first place,” Sasuke retorts. “In fact, some would consider this a perfectly fair outcome.” Back propped up against his living room couch, he sinks down to sit at a puke-safe distance away from where his sniffling guest is laying flat once more, sprawled pitifully on the carpet like a dropped marionette, arms and legs akimbo.  “Karma, even.”</p><p>“Yeesh! You sure know how to hold a grudge, don’t you,” Naruto mumbles.</p><p>“That was an hour ago, moron.”</p><p>“It was yesterday somewhere in the world, hehe.”</p><p>“…..”</p><p>Even as Sasuke struggles to formulate a response with the precious few surviving brain cells that Naruto’s idiotic joke has left in its wake, it dawns on him with disappointing clarity that maybe ‘loud obnoxious dumb blonde’ has been his type all along. This is devastating news. He absolutely should <i>not</i> be into this. He can’t believe how much he’s into this.</p><p>“Well. At least you’re cute,” Sasuke sighs at last.</p><p>“Huh?” Naruto peeks an eye out at him from under his bag of peas, clearly having missed the words.</p><p>“I <i>said</i>, do you normally assault everyone who tries to help you?”</p><p>“Shaddup! Nobody asked you to be a Good Somalian—“</p><p>“Samaritan."</p><p>“—a Good <i>whatever</i> in the first place!” Naruto finishes in a huff. “You can’t go around grabbing at people in dark alleys and get mad if one of them maces you.”</p><p>Sasuke laughs. "Okay. That’s fair.”</p><p>Once again, he finds himself inexplicably charmed by the guy’s ridiculous slip of tongue. Having successfully made his case, however, Naruto simmers down and they lapse into something of a listless, drained silence. Sasuke grabs the box of tissues they’ve been passing back ’n forth between one another and brings a wad to his dripping nose. </p><p>All things considered, he’s feeling worlds better than he did just thirty or so minutes ago. But still — his throat is ripped raw, there’s a ferocious pounding at his temples that threatens to burst into a full-blown migraine within the hour, and his eyeballs feel dreadfully heavy inside his skull. Heavy and swollen and hot and achy because holy shit, this fucker actually maced him. Despite himself, Sasuke chuckles softly. Maybe it is amusing, he decides. Just a little bit. In a very stupid, pathetic kind of way.</p><p>
  <i>At least he's cute.</i>
</p><p>“What’s with all the books?” Naruto yawns suddenly. “Starting a library or something?” </p><p>He flops a tanned, sinewy arm in the general direction of several precariously-stacked towers of hardback volumes Sasuke keeps in one corner of the living room. There are even more books strewn across the coffee table and packed onto the shelves of his TV stand, which he’s converted into a mini-bookshelf. The heavy tomes aren’t exactly hard to miss, but Sasuke’s still fairly impressed that Naruto has found time between pressing cold packs to his face and playing the victim to even pay attention to his surroundings.</p><p>“They’re law books," Sasuke answers.</p><p>In the quiet that follows his response, Sasuke starts to think maybe Naruto didn’t hear him at all when the blonde barks out laughing so forcefully that he has to turn over and bend in half, really leaning into the motion to get it all out.</p><p>Sasuke’s eyebrow ticks under his frozen steak. “What’s so funny?”</p><p>“Lemme get this straight,” Naruto manages, still wheezing, “so you’re a drug-trafficking law student whose older brother is a fucking cop?? Ha! — and <i>I’m</i> the dumb one!”</p><p>Technically... per se… Sasuke isn’t actually a law student. Not in the traditional sense, anyway. For the past two years, he’s been studying independently to pass the bar exam, under the guidance of one of his oldest and most loyal customers — a retired prosecutor by the name of Tsunade. If he manages to pass with a high enough score on his first try, according to the stipulations set forth by the Konoha Bar Association, he wins an apprenticeship slot in his local district attorney’s office. </p><p>After 18 months there, he’ll be free to practice on his own. It’s a uniquely ambitious plan, certainly, not to mention one that only a precious few lawyers in the village’s long history have ever been able to pull off. However, Sasuke has even bigger goals to accomplish than taking the bar without a proper education, and all of them desperately depend on him not failing it.</p><p>For the meantime, he decides against correcting Naruto’s unwitting mistake. “Very bold of you to openly ridicule someone you keep identifying as a dangerous criminal. Don’t let my one act of chivalry throw you off — I’m still the bad guy, remember?”</p><p>“Okay, B-Billie Eilish,” Naruto scoffs.</p><p>His jaunty comeback is only marred by the slight chattering of his teeth, which continues even after he’s spoken. Sasuke puts down his meat compress to look over at the blonde, and it’s only when he sees Naruto shiver that he foolishly realizes they’re both still in the wet clothes they’d clambered into the tub wearing. </p><p>“Here.”</p><p>After a quick trip to his room, Sasuke changes into dry clothes from the top layer of his laundry hamper (aka still about 40% fresh) and strolls back into the living room to toss a wrinkled but clean white tee and a pair of grey sweats at Naruto’s seemingly lifeless form. “It’s bad manners to die of hypothermia in a stranger’s home.”</p><p>“A-After everything we’ve b-been through?” Naruto bristles, taking on a hurt tone despite his voice still being muffled by the clothes Sasuke threw at him. “C’mon S-Sasuke. We’re c-comrades now... b-b-b-brothers in s-suffering.”</p><p>“Thanks but no thanks. Already got one of those and he sucks.” </p><p>“F-friends, then?"</p><p>“Speaking of <i>f-friends</i>, don’t you have somewhere to be right now?”</p><p>“Oh my g-god. W-what time is it?” Naruto stutters, face blanching.</p><p>“Late. I don’t know.”</p><p>Naruto takes a fearful glance at his phone.</p><p>“Fuck me. Shit! I can’t believe how fucked I am right now. They gave me ONE job!” </p><p>Sasuke crooks an amused brow. “Look man, if you still want the weed—“</p><p>“Sasuke! Will you be my valentine?” Naruto blurts out, sitting straight up again.</p><p>The silence that follows is stunning, vast. Yawning before them like an edgeless desert where sound and all good sense goes to die. Sasuke opens his mouth. Takes a step into the silence, shattering it back into audible frequencies. </p><p>“What… the fuck?”</p><p>“WAIT n-not like for real!” The blonde rushes to clarify, blushing profusely. “We don’t actually have to date or anything like that — it’s just. I think my friends will hate me less if I say I flaked on them to hook up with some hot mystery guy, rather than me showing up late to the party, alone and empty-handed because I couldn’t get weed <i>or</i> dick tonight. See, it works out because we both look a mess right now so they’ll think we’ve been fooling around, right? Not to mention I’ve been single so long, they’ll be distracted by how I even managed to bag someone this hot. I mean, look at you — I bet you could booty call God himself at 4am and he’d pick up!” Naruto’s back on his feet now pacing around the coffee table, frozen peas, chattering teeth, and change of clothes all long forgotten. “It’s a flawless plan, actually! All you gotta do is show your face for a bit, say hi, and BOOM you’re done! I’ll even drive you there and back — gas money’s on me! Oh and you still gotta bring the weed, hehe.”</p><p>“Holy shit, you're actually insane,” Sasuke sighs.</p><p>And even if he's secretly enjoying Naruto’s blatant flattery, the carefully cultivated look of apathetic disdain on his face gives nothing away.</p><p>“Please?" Naruto wheedles shamelessly. “Help a guy out! C’mon, I’ll owe you! I’ll even let you decide how I should pay you back — anything you want!”</p><p>“First of all," Sasuke ticks off, “I just gave you some help. Letting you into my apartment to wash off… right after you maced me, remember?”</p><p>“You gotta let that go, man. It’s getting weird—“</p><p>“Second  did it ever occur to you that I might not even be gay?” </p><p>“Oh my god.” Naruto interrupts, rolling his eyes back so far in his head that he looks possessed. “<i>Dude</i>. You don’t actually have to fuck me, yanno? Grow up!”</p><p>“Yeah no,” Sasuke finishes, lips settling somewhere between a scowl and a smirk. “I’m not doing it. But keep telling me how sexy and mysterious I am, that was kinda fun.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you!” </p><p>“Try harder."</p><p>“So what, you're just gonna sit at home all by yourself??” Naruto chokes out. “Getting high alone on Valentine’s day… pretty sad if you ask me!”</p><p>Sasuke snorts. “Says the one begging the weed man for charity dick—“</p><p>“That is NOT what I—“</p><p>“—and besides, you said it yourself: if I wanted company tonight, it wouldn’t be very hard to get it. Y’know, with how hot and mysterious and good-looking I am?”</p><p>“You’re the worst person I’ve ever met,” the blonde seethes.</p><p>“Met, or assaulted?" </p><p>“You have an unhealthy attachment to the past and I feel like you should work on that. Like seriously.”</p><p>Sasuke’s eye twitches. “You’re seriously not giving me any motivation to go along with this dumbass scheme of yours. Are you even trying?”</p><p>“Yes, I'm trying! This is me trying, hello!!” Naruto explodes, looking like he’s only seconds away from pulling out his own hair. “I’m working very hard to get not-laid here — what’s a guy gotta do to take you out??”</p><p>Sasuke’s mouth quirks into a grin. Doesn’t know he’s doing it. He takes a breath, draws it out for dramatic effect, and finally says: “My services won’t be cheap.”</p><p>Naruto whoops out loud, dropping to his knees and punching a victorious fist into the air in equally dramatic fashion.</p><p>“At this point, I will do anything you want,” he beams, sun-like, flashing a blinding, toothy smile that crinkles his nose and bunches his full, tawny cheeks up until his eyes disappear altogether.</p><p>“…anything?" </p>
<hr/><p>Sasuke goes to the party with Naruto. And it’s just as boring as he expected it to be — a bunch of squeaky clean college kids from the suburbs getting together for a night of what passes as  debauchery when you’ve led a life safely cocooned from the clutches of financial insecurity and rampant crime. The most scandalous thing that happens is a straight couple getting shitfaced and having an obnoxiously loud argument about instances of almost-but-not-really-cheating between them that ultimately never goes anywhere but still doesn’t bode well for the future of their dating status.</p><p>“So do all your friends just like. Get into toxic relationships just for fun?” Sasuke sighs. “Is that what you guys do to pass the time up here?”</p><p>“Uh, no  some of us draw or play sports!“ Naruto huffs, cheeks on fire. “Be nice!”</p><p>To Sasuke's intense amusement, the blonde has been flushing red from the moment they stepped into the flat. It certainly hasn’t helped that said friends have been openly gawking at the pair of them for just as long — even after introductions were made, even after the passing around of several pre-rolled joints sank the room into a smoky haze of marijuana so potent, someone’s big white dog is currently catching a contact high.</p><p>“Or what,” Sasuke murmurs, crowding the blonde into the cozy little corner they’ve tucked themselves into. “You’ll dump me?”</p><p>
  <i>“GET IT, NARUTO!"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“That’s my boy!”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You’re making us so proud, baby.”</i>
</p><p>Taking advantage of their proximity, Naruto ducks down and burrows his face into Sasuke’s shoulder, groaning in mortification. Which must mean he’s even more embarrassed by his friends jeering from the sidelines than he is by Sasuke’s mean, ruthless flirting.</p><p>Sasuke laughs. "You weren’t joking about how long you’ve been single, were you.”</p><p>“This was the worst idea ever, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“You want a kiss to make it better? Wuss,” Sasuke whispers into his hair, smirk hidden by wild golden tufts. It’s softer than it looks and Naruto smells like apples. Cinnamon spiced apples.</p><p>“God, you’re such an asshole.”</p><p>True to his word, they don’t stick around for long. Naruto holds up his end and gives Sasuke a curiously silent ride home, cheeks tinted pink for most of it and unable to keep his eyes from darting away and back again to the raven-haired passenger beside him. They glitter a confused, questioning periwinkle in the velvety dark. For his part, Sasuke only sighs softly to himself and rolls the window down to hang his arm out, slender fingers skating, skipping, gliding on top of the chilly air rushing past. This is his first night off in nearly two months.</p><p>After climbing down from the truck in front of his apartment complex and tossing a low “good night, lover” over his shoulder, Sasuke halts when Naruto blurts his name out sharply, a hint of panic and… something else behind it. Sasuke turns to see Naruto fumbling a wet and unbelievably sad-looking wad of bills out of his pocket.</p><p>“Just pay me next time.”</p><p>“N-next time?” No human has ever looked as utterly lost as Naruto does now.</p><p>“Yeah,” Sasuke chuckles under his breath. “Next time.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the way this turned into a fake dating au... [insert clown emoji]. i'm so sorry ashley, idk what the hell i'm even doing anymore (OBVIOUSLY) 😭</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>